If you find yourself in Braham, Minnesota, swing in for a peek.
So, in a moment of inspired ambition, I decided to write my patrons a newsletter. Being me, however, I covered it in sass to the point of being unsalvageable. Recently found among my forgotten .docs, I present it now to you!
Dear Patrons of the Arts,
It’s that time of year again: when ambitious and socially-aware mothers write a spec letter and send it to everyone in their address book, updating their family and acquaintances on matters they would already know if they were actually friends.
Well I am one of those mothers, so buckle up and prepare yourself for the artist’s version of the Christmas Letter. As you can tell, I take it very seriously.
Stuff I did that was awesome, punctuated with Minnesota brand Faux Humility Phrases®:
- Got a grant (so blessed!)
- Exhibited at some prestigious shows (so blessed!)
- Had first solo show (so blessed!)
- Won some awards for being a badass artist (so blessed!)
- Showed some kids how to illustrate (so blessed!)
- Got my art on the cover of a really bad book (so blessed?)
Bask in my glow, fuckers. I am success incarnate.
Stuff that happened that is worthy of note, punctuated with Minnesota brand Bad Time Negators®:
- Everything in the county flooded (the Lord works in mysterious ways.)
- Diagnosed with severe clinical depression (the Lord works in mysterious ways.)
- Ate an entire watermelon, shat fire (the Lord works in mysterious ways.)
Pity me, O More Fortunate Ones, for I am plagued with torment.
As you can see, the good stuff list is longer than the bad stuff list. Year success! Consider yourselves informed.